Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
