there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
