I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
