Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
