You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
