Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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