Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
