It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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