the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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