And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
