i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
