also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize