i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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