its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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