i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
tell your sister to shave her snatch
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
