I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
where does the pee come out of this thing
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
