you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
