Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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