That's when you crack a 10am beer
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
