I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
