I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
