Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
