I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
