dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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