When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
