he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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