those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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