I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
