...so i touched it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i drank out of a bidet.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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