I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
