To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
