I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
