dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Randomize
