Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
