theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
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