I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
