He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
