Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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