dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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