so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
it was like eating out sand paper
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Also, beer. Big fan.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
