the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I have post one night stand depression
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
