so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
