Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
