Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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