He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
