I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
