I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
