Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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