also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
