The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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