we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Sober January is a disaster.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
