she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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