she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
FUCK WHALES
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
