somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
