apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
