You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
honey bunches of taint.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
