erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
