Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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