Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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