Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
