maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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