Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize