Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
