if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
