A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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