I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I FOUND THE LEGS
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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