im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
