she pinky promised me she was 18
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
