Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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