I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
