is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
