well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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