none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize