??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
