who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
No subtext here. People are naked.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
